Freelancing Copywriter

Maintenance

2010-02-24T03:41:00.000-08:00

While doing some maintenance work on this blog - removing spam comments trying to sell me pills and mp3 converters - I realised that I like doing maintenance work.

I also realised that I should make a post about it because, ummm... well what the hell do I post about anyway... Something is better than nothing, atleast as far as blog posts go.

So, I like cleaning out stuff every once in a while. I like maintaining my music collection on my hard drive, even though a media library software does the job just fine. I like going into the kitchen and cleaning out all the shelves, shuffle all the crockery, and maybe buy new crockery to have more to shuffle around. I like making beds, but not right after I wake up, and not before I go to bed. I like putting books in order, but not in any apparent order.

I guess I like putting arrays in disarray.

Contrasts

2009-08-21T08:16:00.001-07:00

Beautiful music in a depressing place.

Uplifting thoughts in dreary surroundings.

Great dreams and ambitions, while doing mundane, meaningless tasks.

I am become a study in contrasts.

Also, I am so tempted to mock my own attempts at keeping this blog alive, or to just say hello again to the few who actually read my blog, or to make this post another resurrective one.

Won't happen. I know that I would keep ignoring this blog, and doing stupid stuff while thinking of doing big stuff.

All the while, listening to beautiful music in depressing places.

Daze

2008-11-08T01:33:00.000-08:00

I am dazed. I am thirsty. I have no will to get up and get water for myself. I have headphones on, but I am not listening to anything. For the past one hour. They are making me uncomfortable. I have taken them off now. It feels better. I think I'll go get water. Wait. I have to blog first. And rant about how I have 3 project reports to complete, how I have missed more than the allowed number of classes for this course, and how I have overslept and how I am just walking disconnected through my life. Dazed.

Circadian Chaos

2008-10-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Circadian. I wonder who coined this term. Oh damn... now I am tempted to look it up on the net. Wait...

Origin: 1955–60; from Latin circā about + di(és) day

Hmmm... Not a really old word, then. But sounds weird none the less. Like cicada, which I know is an insect. I know a lot of irrelevant stuff. Damn, I am now tempted to look this up as well! Hold on again...

Origin: 1350–1400; Middle English from Latin cicāda

Well... Cicada is an older word then. I know the comparison is like comparing apples to oranges, and as such doesn't have any substance to it. I recently read a report about how similar apples and oranges are, and that comparing apples to oranges isn't as dissonant as is thought to be. But then, language takes its own liberties...

Anyway, about circadian rhythms and the chaos thereof that has set itself in my life. I wonder how chaos can set into my life... I mean, its chaos after all! It isn't supposed to "set into" of all things!

Damn... Onto the subject finally... Circadian rhythm is the bodily sleep cycle. Mine is chaotic.

I guess you can understand why...

It's such a draw...

2008-09-30T17:59:00.000-07:00

I draw and sketch a lot in class while the lectures are in session. It gives me something to do. I couldn't care less about the bloke in the middle with a chalk in his hand. However, my drawings can get a bit redundant, so I sometimes end up writing out my rants and raves.

Rummaging through my class notebook... I came across this piece which I had written in a lecture I can only pretend to find interesting...

Drawing in class isn't fun anymore. There isn't much left to draw in the set of things I can draw. Everyday it's just a rehash of swords, eyes and cars. Throw in some logos and an odd face, and you have my complete portfolio. That, and the weird character I've cooked up for a comic strip who lives solely in my notebooks. He doesn't look good either.

I never seem to get the angles and lines correct. Not in my drawings. Not in my life.

Where should I draw the line now?

The grass was greener...

2008-08-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the long road and on down the causeway
Do they still meet there by the cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we've been so many times

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river

Forever and ever

- High Hopes by Pink Floyd

--

I miss you IIT Bombay :(

Cash and Cashiers

2008-08-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was just reading some random anecdote on the net, and a cashier says - "I could lose my job if I did that."

It hit me again. Like so many times before, I started wondering about the charm a common job holds. A job which just about manages to pay the bills, a job that extracts so much sincerity out of a person that makes him or her say something like that, a job that somehow manages to bring a smile on my face if I imagine myself doing that.

Thinking about the jobs which I probably will end up doing... I am scared. The responsibility, the magnitude of decision-making involved, the fact that so many people look would look up to me, and at the same time look down upon me...

Hell, tell me how many times have you looked down upon a McDonald's cashier? And how many times have you despised an investment banker or a consultant for what they are...

I guess true acceptance in the hearts of lots of people comes at a stiff price.

Or maybe not... But then I think about the career options open in front of me... If I leave aside the cashier/engine driver/bartender jobs for practicality's sake, my favourite job would involve a marketing lifestyle with consulting perks and an investment banking paycheck.

That, and the sincerity and the societal acceptance level of a cashier.

I am flaky.

2008-08-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

I have two endterm exams tomorrow, as well as a class which is evaluative and has a rather lengthy case to read. However, I don't know why, but here I am - sitting on my desk, listening to random music, surfing random sites and finally ending up blogging.

I hope that I don't diss this post midway. Now that I've established that, I think I'll post it no matter what.

Life's been rather peaceful lately, but there is no enthusiasm or motivation to work whatsoever. The only thing which induces the slightest drive is this b-school summit, of whose organizing team I am a part of.

Is that correct English? Gahh.. Who cares...

There goes! A near perfect example of how I've been lately. Incidentally, I just realised that I care about the fact that I don't care, and I would certainly like to do something about it. About that, I don't care enough!

Meh.

No Idea

2008-07-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

It is nigh 4 in the morning, and I have no clue why I am up at this time. Spinning around in the interminable web, I sometimes feel like life is caught in the invisible strands and tangible wires of technology all around us.

In the end, it boils down to what use are we putting technology to. Personally, am I putting it to use anyway?

Blogging, or the mere pursuit of it, is not so much a use of technology, but being trapped by it.

Stop Go Stop

2008-06-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

Cold dark Night. Dank. Smelly.
Rains. Stop go stop. Go. Stop.
Glowing clouds. Blown away by Wind.
Hissing whooshing frenzied Wind.
Slaked Earth. Hissing. Like slaked lime. Mime.
Misty window clears. Snow to ice. Naughty to nice.
City lights. Blinking. Moving.
Fifty five fireflies.
Fifty five stars in Sky.
Fifty five thoughts.
Fifty five.
Alive.

Trilemma

2008-06-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

I sit here, trying to decide between three things - taking a bath, reading a case study for a class which is half an hour away, or to do something completely irrelevant, I am somehow reminded that I have a blog that needs updating.

I don't know why this blog needs updating, or why this was there in the first place. Just that it exists now, and thus calls for its maintenance. This feeling may be due to my belief in existentialism, that every individual is out there for their own, and each one of us need to script our own story. There is no ultimate goal. There is this journey which needs to be undertaken, or there is this option of rotting in a mud pit.

Every second is a new second, and hence it makes sense to try and do something new all the time. But the new, being new, encompasses the old, and the old thus gives birth to the new. New conversations, new friends, new meanings to life, new sights new sounds new fragrances new soaps new towels.

I need to go take a bath.

And read a new case for a new class taken by an old professor.

And yeah, I need to close a new Pandora's Box I opened inadvertently. Who would have thought that waiting for the right time to say something is the most stupid thing to do? I need a new philosophy. I shall now express whatever new emotions I have then and there - but not to new people.

People, I guess are like wine. The older they are, the better they get, and not in a chronological sense.

"Happy" new year?

2008-03-06T13:10:00.000-08:00

First post in 2008, and it is plagiarized. Picked up from somewhere on the net. Flicked, though not with disdain. By the way, I don't consider this sort of stealing unethical. Neither of us are making money out of this, and my copying their data - for lack of a better way to describe it - is not harming any of us. I think this is what the professor meant when he talked about non-rival consumption good.

Well, I am getting carried away... Here's the sound bite.

Once upon a time,
summer was a fair.
Mud didn't kill you, and no one really cared.
Now we're all grown up.
All controlling, controlled and softer.
Is this what they meant when they said
Happily ever after?

Evokes so many different feelings at the same time, and at quite a few different levels of thought. Summer is back in the air, and I keep going back to the dusty May afternoons in the summer vacations while I was still a kid. Roaming about in the sun, chasing dust devils, not getting killed by the mud, not having a care in the world...

All the heat and harshness is gone now. Comfort can be stifling, suffocating. I know that this is not the "happily" i am looking for, and I just hope that this is not "ever after".

Celestial Countenance

2007-12-04T10:47:00.000-08:00

I just realised that there are some faces that make you instantly happy. Unknown faces, never seen before, never to be seen after. Faces that won't stick in your mind, faces that won't leave a memory. Faces that won't make the cover page of the Time magazine or something like that.

I just happened to smile when I saw this girl in the crowd. Fine, everyone's been there. But in a crowd of a concert video I happened to be seeing. Nothing special, nothing specific. Not someone I'd call beautiful, but somehow, enchanting. I pressed rewind, and I was unable to make out anything different, anything special about her. I even don't know why I am writing this.

And then, there are faces that I long to see. I pine. I daydream. I lose myself.

Completely.

They know who they are.

Nothingness

2007-12-04T04:45:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to do, and nothing to write about.

Well, I have loads to do actually, but all those things involve spending time doing something which I don't like, and hence I won't do that. Instead, I sit and write. Since I have nothing to write about, I am writing about the fact that I have nothing to write about.

Life gets redundant after a while. Same old routine, even if the city you are living in now is miles away, and much less fun to be in, than the earlier one. A much smaller space to stretch my legs.

I feel that I have been taken out of a economy-class but spacious car, and stuffed into a cramped limousine. Not cramped with people per se, but cramped for space.

It can get stifling at times, and the people around can tend to trample on your feet, but I won't talk about all those right now. The reason being same as earlier, that I don't like it.

Anyway, I am happy right now. Makes no sense to reflect on the dirt of life. The bubbles, they are nice...

I want to...

2007-10-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

I want to write.

I don't know about what, who or where.

I think I know how, but I am tempted to doubt myself.

I am tempted to doubt myself quite a lot these days.

Doubt. Unfounded. Baseless. Uncertainty. Risk. Higher risk, higher returns.

I have been writing a lot about myself these days, but in restricted blocks, with word limits. With character limits.

It limits my character, so to say. I am forced to write what I wish people in positions of power would believe about me. Contrived. Made up. True, but in a way twisted. Something short of real life. Truth far from truth.

I want people to read. I don't know why. Perhaps I have a thing for fame. I just want to get up there on stage and play. Do my own thing. Grab someone from the crowd and pull them up, and not be one of the crowd. Definitely not the one next to the person who is pulled up on stage for that 15 seconds of fame.

Fame. Doesn't come easy. I feel that I am just giving myself away here. The kind of feeling which comes when you have nothing left to lose. I want to gain something. Profit. Loss. Futures. Options. Risk. Returns. Contrived. Made up. Forced...

I want to break free of the cycle. Is there a cycle? I don't know. I just want to break something. Shatter. Destroy.

I want superpowers. To break. To build something new where I break. Fame is power. I want fame. I want power.

I want to rise above it all. I want to just sit there and see. And play. Manipulate. Force. Peel truth away from truth. Make believe.

I want to, but I don't know how...

Inside and outside

2007-08-30T02:51:00.000-07:00

It was a dark and rainy night. She had no clue where she was headed, but she walked on. Silently sobbing. Her profuse tears being overshadowed by the rain.

Rain. It fell in sheets. Sheets of paper blown around by a moody whirlwind. Layers upon layers of cold beads, mixed together in a giant dance of the pearl fairies. Mixed, but still separable. A supersized sundae.

She never really liked ice-creams. It made her teeth hurt, and the cold gave her a brain freeze. She was somehow reminded of the sensation, and how she wanted it right now. How she wanted her head to go numb. How she wanted a new pain to bear, to take her mind off the pain that was inside her. Placebo.

Placebo. The way the heartbeats seem to synchronize themselves with the repetitive thump of a favorite song. Or maybe, somewhere under the stars, two separate entities merged into one in the silence of the clear night, heartbeats synchronized. Seemingly.

She stopped under the clock tower. She was unable to make out the time, her eyes clouded like the skies above. She thought of a clear night under the stars, of two entities, of synchronized heartbeats. She had none of that now. She looked up again for no reason at all. The regular tick-tock somehow enticed her. She noticed herself smiling for the first time in weeks. Instinctively, she pushed the door. It creaked open, as if on its own accord. She knew it would. She knew she would spend the night there. The tick-tock had already started calming her down. Her heartbeats were subdued now, slowly but surely falling into step with the inevitable passage of time. Synchronized.

I am Alive!

2007-07-23T13:50:00.000-07:00

and I see dots flying in outer space.
They are out to get me.

They are better. They're the real thing.
Even better than the real thing...

Placeholder

2007-05-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

I was just looking through this, aand saw my blog link on the side. I clicked, and saw that I haven't posted in quite some time, and while the thought of updating my blog was there in my head since long, I hadn't done anything about it.

I therefore decided to put up a post and let people know that I am alive. I also realised that my time here at IIT is coming to an end, and surely, a post dedicated to that will be up soon.

Real soon. Suffices to say for now that I am going to miss all of this.

By the way, ma, pa and sis are coming over tomorrow! For the first time! Right about the time I bid adieu. Finally, I managed to force them to come and have a look at the place which has changed me so much!

Mexican Lexicon

2007-01-30T00:58:00.000-08:00

This post might be devoid of any intellectual content, but beware that it might force you to salivate, growl, get hungry, or get disgruntled at te state of affairs in general. A useless account of the events leading to the food follows. The reading-speed challenged, or those who are short on time, should scroll.

The other day, I along with a group of friends went to see a movie. We went out of the way to some multiplex on the other side of town, since they were giving free tickets. Free as in beer. Yeah. One free on the purchase of one. Buy one get two. Ek pe ek free. Now since that was tempting, we went. Reached there in the nick of time, only to be kept waiting due to 'technical' reasons. Now being budding engineers, all of us, concurred that there might be 'valid' technical reasons for holding up the show. As time progressed, the consensus disintegrated, only to be replaced with the choicest profanities, all well discussed and concurred upon. Soon enough, all profanities were found useless against 'technical reasons' as the show got cancelled.

Shit happens.

Anyway, after taking our money back (ahhh) we discussed what to do next. Since having dinner at the hostel mess was out of the question, I suggested a restauant nearby which I had earlier been to, and found to be quite brilliant. I was however booed dows, and everyone cited 'technical reasons'. Only a couple of 'good' friends stuck with me, and after showing everyone the bird, we headed out across uncharted territories in the suburbs of Bombay. After a gruelling, winding and overpriced, and obviously 'technically incorrect' auto ride, we had arrived at this place.

Now the mexican food here was supposed to be awesome. So what if it were only vegetarian, and so what if it was devoid of fajitas and eggs and chicken and tex-mex. And the lebanese. The chicks there sure are hot as hell, but no chickens were to be found on the menu. That was the only downside. So after some deliberations over the 'technicalities' of world cuisine and pics of the suspicious two flags on every table decor, we went ahead with the order.

A bean burrito arrived some 10 minutes later. Now this won't be fine-dining for someone from the US of A, but for us, it was heavenly. Succulent beans, wrapped up with cheese and salads in a perfectly rolled tortilla. Soft to the touch, and crispy to the mouth, myriad sauces inside cooking up a divine concoction. Devoured within seconds, this set the table rolling and our tummies growling.

A lebanese falafel sandwich followed the burrito. Hummus and qhaboos and various other things with names good enough for middle-eastern war machines were delightful. Cracked wheat had its day of glory within that unassuming roll wrapped up with choicest lebanese bread. Reminded me of what it would feel to be in Lebanon, 'technicalities' of the language notwithstanding.

Enchiladas de tortilas with sweet corn. Torillas filled with infinite amounts of cheese and sauces, stuffed with sweet american corn, tossed about in tomato gravy and topped with a layer of cheese an inch thick. Something that justified why gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. Fortifying the belief that hedonism is something that takes one away from God. For the duration of consuming the aforementioned, we revered the sense of taste, prayed to the dishes to impart infinite depth to themselves, bowed to the cheese for being the all-giver...

Like all good things, this also came to an end.
But Nirvana, as it were, had been attained. Three times over.

Nerd Geek Dork Superman

2007-01-19T15:44:00.000-08:00

Its 5:15 AM.

For those of you who might think that I am an early riser, I state categorically that I haven't slept till now. This is what I do usually. Sleep at weird times, get to classes somehow, only to be warned about low attendances, and keep up all night doing nothing at all.

This night, I feel is somewhat different. I have a mock interview tomorrow. Its not something where I, or for that matter the interviewer gets mocked. I'd better phrase it as a practice interview. The reason being IIM calls. I am happy.

I love interviews. I love it more when I screw one up and still emerge victorious, if I can use the word. Why, only the last month, when I screwed up one royally, I got hired. Yes, it was a job interview, I messed it all up, and the guys hired me. General Motors, for your information. I am doubly happy.

Anyway, some guy said change is the only constant. I think it is boolean. And not so much of a constant after all. Some wise guy in charge of programming my life had a weird idea. He said - "Let me screw this guy over" and put

boolean const change=0;

in my file. That was quite shitty. However, someone turned this 0 to 1. I am more happy.

But again, errors creep up in code. Always. And since Murphy was correct, there isn't someone qualified enough to correct them. This boolean thingy doesn't work too well in me. I thought I had the ability to change after all. So when I saw all my friends trying to exercise, jog, gym it out, play squash and what not, I, feeling blissfully aware of that new value of the constant thingy, decided to run to burn up the cals.

# run Giddu
segmentation fault

#

I am like, what the fuck is that. Fuzzy boolean variables! Like boolean change=0.341276 or some shit like that... I saw no change in this part of my code. The mind wanted to run, the body showed it the finger. Two segments. One fault.

Well, fuck Murphy. If there's something Murphy's law doesn't apply to, it is Murphy's law itself. One thing does come to mind though. Probably this variable wasn't global. It is, you know, defined differently for different parts of the code. I don't know. I don't know my programming language too well.

Random Resurrection

2006-12-25T03:15:00.000-08:00

I live again.

This blog has seen so many of these phoenixy posts that people must be getting tired of them. Or maybe not, because these have themselves been very far apart, and as a consequence, quite few. So many is just a relative concept, measured in percentages. And probably, in probabilities...

Anyway, winters are here. Bombay winters suck. The sun does not cease to have the bite of summer, especially the morning sun at 8. With nothing to look forward to right now, except the yet-unrealised dream of getting a job, I am sitting idle, and instead, looking back. A much-awaited trip to Delhi made on a whim took me home to the kind of winter I love. The bite was very much there, but instead of the sun, it was the cold that bit me in the neck, sucking the heat out of the blood, not much unlike that of a vampire. Did I happen to tell you that I love vampires?

Another trip made, not on a whim this time, was to Goa, only to discover that the place is overrated. To feel like an alien in my own country made me kinda homesick. It was great fun anyway, last day blunders notwithstanding :|
I did long for another kind of a trip, if you know what I mean...

Life has sort of begun to live on its own with me. I just give in to the flow, and it keeps taking me to places I feel I do not want to go to. In retrospect, these places and experiences leave behind a lot of steps on the sand, leave a lot to be learned from, leave behind memories, diamonds and rust.

Present keeps sucking the life out of the future, and never does it fail to drag the past along. All I am left with an eroded past, much like an overused record, details diminishing every time it is played, over and over and over again. The future is void, and as I already mentioned, I just have to go with the flow of time, which rushes forward like an untamed river, filling up every bit of space available like a liquid is supposed to do, leaving out no nooks and crannies for the little things.

However, I never fall out of love with my life. No matter how many times I say "Life sucks" or something like that, I never really mean it from the heart. It probably is another manifestation of the unregulated flow. I have tried to control this flow, tried to be the master instead of being the slave, succeeding only marginally, fractionally, superficially. Perhaps this is what they call a ray of hope.

And by the way, a merry Christmas, and a very happy new year to all you people out there.

Present Perfect

2006-10-10T03:16:00.000-07:00

Today is a nice day. Not so nice as I'd like to be, but quite nice. After more than 9 hours of well-deserved (??) sleep, I woke up to find myslef actually willing to go to class. Strange, but nice. Got to class, did not listen to the professor, and doodled along my way feeling sleepy. Did one of my nice sharingan things and discussed the probability of a cyborg eye, but then you'd not be interested in that anyway. Seems like I have a thing for eyes though...

Classes over, and a couple of episodes later, here I am sitting in another one of my classrooms, with the professor moving about, discussing weld pool depths and peak temperatures. My weld pool is not etched properly, though I don't care much. Neither do you, I know. Standards, tee cee, tee star, and N subscript A keep running through with some choicest profanities stringed alongwith.

Creativity flows uninhibited though, with some guy making a rather classy bohemian necklace out of disassembled strings with which we are supposed to tie our extra sheets to the main answer sheet. Not that we've got to submit one. The string pieces are just there. Some remnants of the last discussion someone had over string theory I suppose.

Some like me, just blog. Actually, I am the only one who's doing so. And yeah, we have computers with unrestricted internet access in our classroom. And surprisingly, no staplers.

Kitelike

2006-09-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a man, I'm not a child...
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, where the wind will blow...

Who's to know when the time has come around?
I don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye.

- Kite (U2 - All That You Can't Leave Behind)

There seems to be a limit to how much you can't leave behind. There's only so much that you can take with you. There is much more you want to take with you than you ever knew. There is so much more accumulating in your bag.

I would probably never be able to leave it all behind. I would probably never be able to classify what it is that I can't leave behind. My list would probably outgrow everyone else's. I probably would be, or probably am, the most nostalgic person around.

I live in the past. I lurk in the shadows of the times gone by. I try to go back to the immediate past. I long to live my life in rewind. I wish to relive all those moments with my loved ones over and over again. Also, I know that this is not possible.

However, it is these memories that are mine. All that I can't leave behind. And I know this for sure, that there is no limit to the amount of past my present can carry along to the future.

I think that I can see the shadow behind my own eyes. I would never want to know where the wind would blow me. I would not want to know what is capable of breaking me. All I know is that I am able to believe. Believe that this, or for that matter any moment gone by, will not be my goodbye.

All I know, is that I am the kite whose string shall never come undone.

Fluidity

2006-09-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

I've been leaking brain fluid since some time now. This does not mean that I somehow have become a spout of intellectually stimulating information, and neither is the leakage literal. It is not particularly interesting either. A bit unsettling though, if you are you, and quite a bit uncomfortable if you are me.

For the benefit of the uninitiated, I'll testify that the concept of brain fluid is a no-brainer. It is the goeey, runny stuff that is leaking out of my nose, all thanks to some mangy virus. That is just about it. It would be leaking out of your nose too, if you were me.

It does seem simple, and it is, but the fact remains that brain fluid comes in many shapes and sizes. If you expand your search to other people as well, you'd realise that the spouts and the containers are also available in a myriad variety, and that there are quite a number of people who are unhappy with theirs. Some of them actually go ahead and pay huge bucks for a surgery that doesn't do anything to stop the brain fluid leaking. All it does is makes the spout more aesthetically appealing. I wonder who in their sane mind would want a beautiful tap that does nothing except, well, leaks, and occasionally gurgles and backfires. Fix all these before getting a new tap, I say. You'd wonder too, if you were me.

Coming back to the various forms of this gooey, runny stuff the days that the virus thing does not choose to manifest itself in my nose, brain fluid is not so fluid. It tends to appear in many different varieties and shades, quite a majority of which are suspiciously green and formless. Like something unknown. Like the green uncharted waters. Formless, shapeless, indistinguishable. Yet so alive. Alive with life unknown.

This nosey stuff can be hard. Sometimes, you know, real hard and all. Grows into you. Like thorns or something. Now, these ones are the most fun taking out. Everyone wants to beat the shit of a hard one. It goes for this hard one too. Take care though, you just might end up with a bloody nose, as is the case with taking out hard ones.

The green matter sometimes gets soft and snuggles up your nose, giving you the snoogy-woogies when you are trying to dislodge it. What these snoogy-woogies are, though, differs from person to person. For me, it is a nice snoogy-woogy feeling that snoogy-woogies up my nose into my forehead, and then warms the back of my ears. The slight tingle at the nape of my neck, which rustles up the hair like a slight breeze on a November evening. And the so very mild currents that run up the spine, forcing the fingers into an encore.

Snot sometimes rolls up into a unsightly, sprightly greenish blob, making me wonder whether it is some alien form of matter lodged into my nasal cavity, and whether aliens have given up on rectal probes after all. However, I am inclined to believe that this very green blob is the primordial form of grey matter and that your brain is made up all these green blobs sitting together sending out electrical signals to each other, and to various body parts. The very idea of having your life governed by green blobs is so appealing to me, that I am planning to make a movie out of it. Heck, if the Matrix can work, why can't the Blobs. They both are green anyway.

And then there is the common everyday snot. Not identifiable in anyway, it is the kind of stuff that makes you go "Yecchh!!" or "Yayy! I got clay to play!!" depending on who you are. You'd probably be playing with clay now, if you were me.

As of now though, I need a clear head. And a clear nasal passageway. COMMON COLD SUCKS!

Undue Cele-brat

2006-09-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

If you've been following this blog rather closely, you'd probably notice that it rarely mentions people. Neither does it discuss events, though the rarity is only so very slightly less profound in this case. Also, whenever these taboos have been violated, the circumstances have been quite distressing, and in a certain case or two, rather exhilarating.

So when this friend of mine reminded me that the midsems were up and coming, and I ought to post something on this page as it was the ripest time to do so, I decided to give the aforementioned rules a whack-on-the-back, and try to mention a couple of people and events in my life. As you see, I already did that in the first sentence of this paragraph, and therefore I am a nice guy.

Life has been quite boring these days, with nothing but friends to keep my mind away from the sheer emptiness of this canister. Friends probably play the most important role in the life of a superbly underperforming weird geek who is living away from his family in a place where he regularly comes across people whose lives he finds interesting. These people, I think I would like to emulate, but then my subconscious suddenly becomes superconscious and reminds me of the fact that I hate being part of a mob. Being compared in any characterstic to a group of people. Being assigned a stereotype.

I have always tried to be different. Consciously or subconsciously, I don't know. But still, different. Different to the extent being called uncool. Given a shit to the limit that people actually voice their concerns. Taking a whole lot of crap from people who believe that they are probably the best critics on anything that might catch their fancy. Made fun of because I know too many things and don't fear to tell them to people around me.

Anyway, I have also learnt to give a shit to whatever people might say. Who the fuck cares has sort of become my motto in life. Not that this is great or something, but till the point of time everything is going fine, who the fuck cares...

So coming back to the point of mentioning people and places, I went out with a couple of friends to this pub tonight, while the rest of my friends are up to their necks in photocopied notes and despicable books. Not that they like them or anything. They just pretend to. Not that I care or anything... I just celebrated the fuckin midsems!!

Anyway, coming back to the pub thing, when somebody remarks that I would look totally out of place in a public place with my current getup, which includes a "feminine" hairstyle, a dirty shirt and oversize jeans torn to fit my ankles, I'd be ready to tell him that I give a fuck, and I just tend to celebrate this way. However, if you are a cute girl making this remark, I'd very well get a hair cut, and offer to take you out. Just make sure you can handle my mind, for it lives on its own rules, and that is one thing I am perfectly fine with.

Cheers!

Off Track

2006-07-29T14:13:00.000-07:00

This post is uncalled for. While going through my earlier posts in my head, I recalled that the most significantly thoughtful had come on days when the world was quite to my dislike. The current dry-up of the posts, therefore, does seem to imply that all is well with my world at least, and this post, as already said, is off schedule, fortifies the fact that nothing has gone wrong recently.

I do have a doubt though. The new semester has just started. My final year in this wonderful, yet so deeply hated place. My love for this place chooses to make an appearance only occasionally.

Most of the times, however, is indifference.
I sometimes wonder at the fact that I can remain so indifferent with such indifference.

Niceties haven't dried up. Friends falling in love, people coming back from all sorts of places in the world, champagne-filled chocolates from Switzerland, souvenirs from Australia, tshirts from New York, window-hopping - which is NOT window shopping, food at myriad places, movies accompanied with hoots so sweet to the ear...

I am kind of, sort of, like, you know... in love with this place right now! I am in love with my place here. I am in love with this city, this weather, the air right now around me. I am in love with... well, a fair enough number of people, which is quite unusual, me being what I am... I am in love with this very fact.

I am in love with my life.

And with all I have, I so wish that it stays this way, throughout this semester, throughout this final year, throughout this blessed, enchanted, and so very loved life of mine.

PS: Haven't hated my life anytime till now... I have a brilliantly huge self-image which takes care of that more than sufficiently.

The Simple Joys

2006-07-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

One of my greatest pleasures in writing has come from the thought that perhaps my work might annoy someone of comfortably pretentious position. Then comes the saddening realization that such people rarely read.
-John Kenneth Galbraith, economist (1908-2006)

Would that be why I don't write as often as I claim to like? Would this be the doing of the subliminal signals my subconscious is sending me all the time? Would not writing prolifically be a manifestation of the fact that I hate and absolutely detest most of the people around me?

People who would not change? Change for the better? Or change for the worse, so that I'd have a new you to hate? Wouldn't you break the monotony? Wouldn't you try evoking my loathing so that I can be happy about it later on? Wouldn't you allow me my share of happy memories?

Would'nt you let me self-schaudenfreude?

Wouldn't you be one of the pretentious?

As said, such people rarely read.

PS: This post managed to travel faster than light, and hence is futurified. Pushed further in time, this is now the cynosure of this blog, and my current muse.

United We Stand

2006-07-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

Let India stand united, and we'll show the world that no one can tear us apart.

We stand united, and see mayhem around us.

We stand united, and watch as terrorists strike again and again.

We stand united, and see dear ones die, while the PM marvels at the speed with whih the cities return to "normal" life.

We stand united, and see our tax money go into defence budgets and intelligence agencies, while they stand united in desperation, hands tied by politicians who are more concerned about vote banks.

We stand united, and watch bureaucracy, red-tapism, and dirty policitos take us for a ride.

And then one day they come and tell us, that we are not one, that we are not the same, that caste-based divisions are a ground eality, that we have to live with it, that we have to be divided so that we can progress, that India is not one Nation after all.

If we were one, would we be mute, helpless recievers to the treatment meted out to us by the powers-that-think-they-are? Would not One Voice be heard across the Nation?
Would we not take up arms against the common enemy?

We are at war, Mr. Prime Minister, and the enemy, am sorry to say, is not one from the outside. You can decide whether to be part of the enemy, or to be one of Us. India would stand divided then, but for a Cause which is essential to achieve True Unity.

We'll stand truly united that day, when we've won the war.

Veni Vidi

2006-06-22T04:51:00.000-07:00

I came.
I saw.

And that is just about it. I just see with a ficker of interest in my eyes. The mild light which the flicker generates has to go through relection, refraction and absorption through my glasses, which makes it even more dim. There is nothing after the famed vidi.

I just realised that I don't have too many interests apart from killing time in the most ruthless fashion I can. I regularly come across many blogs, many profiles, and many people, who proclaim to have so many varied interests that my mind seems to whizz off in a frenzy of nothingness. Their proclamations are quite true also, for when I get to interact with the proud owners of those blogs, the personas behind the profiles, the guys those people are, I can and do realize that these are intelligent folk. Intelligent enough to keep learning in myriad ways. Intelligent enough to know which movie to watch, which book to read, which band to listen to, and in essence what to do to make them more snooty.

Snooty. That is what I aspire to be some day. Or do I? I just want to be this guy who knows and remembers a lot of authors, movie stars and band members. Not just a guy who somehow phone numbers of all the people he has met, and the licence plate number of every car he has been inside, or for that matter not been inside also.

What use is remembering your boss's car number when all you can do is piss him off? Well, you can hide at the sight of the car coming up from the next turn, but that doesn't make you snooty, does it?

I love writing. Anything, everything. No matter how much I hate academics, I love writing exams. Take out the need for preparation for an exam, and I would lovingly write one every other day. Just be sure to give me something new to write everyday. I love making up quotes. I love making stupid, silly jokes. I would probably do great as an advertisement copywriter. But I don't have the resourcefulness to go and do it. I don't want to be told by someone what to write. When to write. How to write. And someone telling me why to write would be blasphemous.

There are points in my writing where I stop making sense altogether. This might be one of those points. It may stop making sense to you. I probably won't know why you are reading this, or probably why I am writing this. Just that, this makes eternal sense to me.

I would write a book one day, which you might not want to read. However, if you think that you might want to read it, just keep in touch, and I'd be good enough to send you a copy, even if it doesn't get published. Probably you will help me.

Inertia Part 3

2006-06-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

With parts being lost in a time warp, this inertia is of a different kind. Change, as it seems, and has been pointed out by folks too many to count, is inevitable, so I decide to flow against it.

Flow, like flight is something, which the powers-that-be dont wan't us to undertake any sort of flow. To take flight is looked down upon, which is quite incomprehensible, as someone who is taking a flight is expected to be found in the sky, and therefore looking down won't help.

Coming back to sense, and stopping taking everything too literally, I feel inert in the sense that no matter how I try to move, I can't.

No! Stop! Wait!! This is not one of the old types. This is not "I can't get myself to move." This time, I can move, and mind you, I actually do, but the whole world moves in exactly the opposite direction, cancelling out any progress I make. I fall back in the same rut. It might be another rut, but they all look and feel the same.

Why don't ruts have escalators or elevators? Even stairs would be a great help. One such as I cannot be expected to find a rope and do a guiness-book-record-duplicating feat of wall/rock climbing to move out of the rut. So, and therefore, I lie here, and do nothing, trying to fool the world that I am doing something in the opposite direction, and so that it moves in the direction I want it to, and inertia is relieved. Relativity, isn't it?

And by the way, pickup trucks are absolute cheesecake.

Inertia Part 1

2006-05-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

I hate changes.

Splinched

2006-05-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, the word on whose meaning I was pondering upon in the last post does exist, so what if the only occurence I came across was in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It is a phenomenon which occurs if you don't apparate correctly, that is, you leave some part of you (e.g. a toenail, a leg, a head) behind. It happened to Ron in his first test, where he left a teeny-weeny eyebrow behind.

Anyway, being a fan of the Potter series, I managed to go through the sixth book again recently. This act was, however, prompted by lack of other books to read, and my propensity to enjoy books which I have already enjoyed once. Also by the unanswerable "Why?" which crept up in my mind while reading "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy. This little "why" turned into a hydra-like-question-monster, and I went all numb. Stupid book.

This book was nothing compared to the emotional and physical turmoil I recently went through. I will not go into that, no matter who you are, and what you stand to gain out of it. I just put this here, so that people who read this can know not to bug me. And definitely not ask me to put more posts on my blog than what I deem necessary.

Nothing Doing

2006-04-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hehehhehehehe. No, seriously... Heheheehhehehe... :D

Some post you can expect this to be, since I am partly high and partly low. That has no physical implications though. I won't like myself splinched (is that a word?) between heaven and hell. Tis gonna be either hell, or heaven for me. Nothing in between, and since I haven't been any good lately, I am counting on heaven. Being good gets you sent to heaven, where angels come dressed up in white, thinking that they are some Simi Garewal clones, playing harps without any good knowledge of scales. You don't have grass in heaven either, I've heard...

Only this other day, Jeremy came down from hell, where incidentally he had spoken in class. He was telling me of the days he had to spend in heaven, because of some good thing he had done while on his time back in the mortal world. He had given up booze for 15 fuckin' days. He was not miserable, but was quite sober, and thus capable and probable to do good.

Meanwhile, does "probable" means that you can probe that chap/thing? If it is a chap, does it mean that aliens would consider him before the normal roadside dude for insertng the proverbial anal probe? Is being "probable" a nice thing? Does getting an anal probation qualify you for entrance into the heaven that is Hell? Aren't there too many questions? Isn't this getting taxing on your mind to try and comprehend what I mean? Isn't it tough?

Stop. Let it go. Let yourself go. Cut the strings. Tear away the sack you've been put into, and dispel the make-believe that lies around. Life's quite green, except that it is quite yellow on the days when you've had a bit too much to drink, and quite blue on some days, when I sit on my ass and think about the stuff that I could have done, the girl I could have got, the man I could be.

That doesn't take away the man that I am away from me. Sure as hell, I'd like to make some changes, but who frikkin' doesn't want to?

Perfection is an illusion. A mirage that draws an unsuspecting idiot towards itself, and then making him believe that even if the mirage dispelled, it made him crawl that bit closer to the actual perfection. I revel in the beauty of the concept of mediocrity, the whole idea of equality of mental states. We are no electrons. We can all be the same, occupy the same fuckin' energy levels, the same spin states, the same quantum numbers, and be fuckin' happy about it. You know why? Coz we got booze and grass.

I see a huge Space Truck hovering beside my window. Gotta go. Don't want to miss the party at the edge of the Milky Way today. Heard that they got some nice boomshine, if you know what I mean...

Well and truly fucked

2006-04-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

I was raped left, right, top, bottom, north, south, east, west, south-east, south-west, north-east today.

North-west is missing, but that's where the tiny ray of hope comes from, so I think I won't consider that a raping direction.

Vector rape.
Nice idea. Or most probably some sadistic professor's telepathic message I received while I was writing the paper.

Are you happy now, Mr Professor?

Keep professing your ugly opinions, your sadistic doctrines. Keep laughing at Pink Floyd. Go and tell them that us kids do need some education. Tell them the way you plan to educate us. But tell them superficially, so that they might as well give a fuck to whatever you are teaching them.

On a more general note, don't ever try to generate even the smallest amount of interest in your audience, otherwise they might think good of you. That will not suit your masochistic self, would it?

Keep skimming the surface. Teach the kid how to swim in a bathtub, then take him to the middle of the Pacific, and push him in. Better still, do this to your own kid. And tell them, that all the kids in this world mean the same to you. They were all thrown in here the same way, weren't they? So what if he's missing a leg. That would make him struggle. That will teach him how to overcome his weakness. He doesn't need a wheelchair.

No student needs guidance. All he needs is a textbook, and then he can do it all himself. Give him the textbook. Go ahead. Give him more. And more...

One day, he'll trade them all for a gun and shoot himself in the head, leaving you wondering where you went wrong.

And mark this, you won't know it.

Start Something

2006-04-14T04:28:00.000-07:00

I have been idling. Engine started, in a neutral gear, raring to go forward. I was at the center of that circle mentioned previously, but some mysterious force has put me back into the circle. Anyway, this blog has seen a bit too much of "I need to change" and "I will do this and that" things lately, so here's something I don't do much often.

I quote here a literary genius, who created a whole new world, complete with its own history, its own language, and its own numerous heroes; for a beautiful story he wanted to tell.

Ash nazg durbatulûk,
ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatulûk
agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

One Ring to rule them all,
One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all
and in the Darkness bind them.

Here's to the mighty genius of JRR Tolkien. The glory of Middle Earth never fades, and I never fail to be enchanted and enthralled by the mystic piece of work the is The Lord of the Rings.

Circular Motion

2006-03-19T02:27:00.000-08:00

My life is running around in circles. And through varying shades and hues. From yellow to green to black to purple to magenta to peach to apples to grapes to guavas to oranges to reds to a few golds and silvers here and there and then back to yellow. Colors to fruits to colors.

But all blue.

I need to break out of this monotony. This circle is taking its toll and it is not helping me in any way. Going around this circle does not burn calories and it won't slim me down. I need to find a way to the center.

The center. My short-term goal. I hope to get a better perspective. A better equation to talk about. Maybe change the circle into an ellipse, so that I can have some highs. The lows won't feel that bad then. This should be my intermediate goal. I shall then move onto a parabola. A mathematical beauty, an equation of song, moving out with endlessly opening arms, encompassing everything which comes to me along the positive axis. As for the things which are off-axis, they shall be mine at some point in the future... The ultimate goal, is it?

As of now, it is just radial acceleration. No radial velocity. A push is all that is needed, they say. But who shall give that push? Who will be the prime mover? Who will provide the activation energy?

I'll do that. Today. After I feast on the brilliant food that my lovely mom has sent me. Then, I know, I shall have the energy to break out of the circle, and I shall be the first ever particle to move out of the circular motion on my own.

Newton and Einstein can go eat themselves.

Partial Depravity

2006-03-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

Take two words which usually don't go with each other. Put them together, play around with them, mix and match, replace and recycle... You get brilliant, intellectual-looking phrases. Phrases which actually mean something, phrases that end up conveying much more than you thought they could, phrases that will haunt your mind for, if not years, then at least some days to come, phrases so unique that won't turn up anywhere else, not even in a Google-search.

Broken Insanity is how I feel right now. Or maybe something like Upward Gravity.

I feel light-headed, my mind keeps going back to weird ideas of flying needles and Loch Ness monsters. Fireworks, flashlights, farewells, facts and figures keep repeating themselves in my head. I feel sleepy, very sleepy, but I don't have the will to sleep. It's not as if I don't WANT to sleep. I want to, but I don't feel like it.

I have classes tomorrow. I am short on attendance. I need to go to sleep so that I wake up in the morning, wake up so that I can crawl to class. I will sleep there. In classes, it is a different ball game altogether. I WANT to sleep. I may not feel sleepy, but since I so WANT it, I usually flop my head on the desk and snooze off.

I see fireworks again. In my head.

I digress quite easily when I am in this state. Some might call it being Comfortably Numb.

I call it - Infinite Boredom.
Senseless Productivity.
Energy Minimized, Output Optimized.

Untitled

2006-03-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

The night holds me in her grasp
I feel numb
I think I faint or something
The numbness grows
All pain is lost

They say the needle kills you
I disagree
I believe it's magic or something
As the tip stings
Ecstasy is inside me

Whlie I float in this endless reverie
I am weightless
I think I see black lights
Cold as fire
Brighter than the Sun

But then, I fall into the depths
I erupt in pain
But, I still believe in the magic
This is my purgatory
Pain is my salvation

Lime Rick

2006-02-28T05:04:00.000-08:00

It is amazing how you can run into things on the web. Things from lands faroff, things from next door neighbours, things which most probably are alien works, and things from dumbasses who think themselves to be too damn smart for their own good.

Anyway, the title of the post is not connected to any sort of public transport of a different colour than usual, but of a poetry form that is one of the most expressive I've ever seen. 5 lines, and an imagery worth thousands.

Latest in the series of things-on-the-net-which-reflect-my-world, here's a limerick.

The profs of our great university
Display the most striking diversity:
Some wise and some foolish,
Some saintly, some ghoulish,
And some of the utmost perversity.

Go figure!!

Basic Instinct

2006-02-27T12:50:00.000-08:00

I had to pee.

I got up, went to the loo. And there I was, standing, doing nothing. Nothing at all. Just a few seconds back I had this irresistible urge to dispose off all the accumulated toxic waste, and have my kidneys go back to work at full efficiency, and as soon as I actually manage to reach the bodily-waste-disposal-device-contraption, I did not want to do it anymore.

It was like my body did not want to part with whatever it was supposed to let go.

Then I remembered. I did what mothers the world over do to make their children pee. I pursed my lips, puckered up my toungue, and let air pass thruough at a considerable pressure.

The sound: ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
My Status: Relieved...

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T02:13:00.000-08:00

I don't have anyone today. Mostly because none of the girls I know, or I am likely to know for that matter, would be someone whom I can really love. Love is hard, people say, but the hardest thing for me is falling in love.

Found a quote that reminds me that when I do fall in love, it is going to be special.

I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.

-Pietro Aretino, satirist and dramatist (1492-1556)

Here's wishing all of you a happy Valentine's day, and hoping that everyone finds their true love. That is something that would make this world a much better place to live in.

Ex...Err.. Size!!!

2006-02-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

Ahhh... My first image-blog-post.

Given my take on exercise these days... Or maybe ever since I learnt to say "exercise"... Calvin probably sums it all up for me here. Being lazy might be bad, but being energetically efficient and an excellent effort-minimalist sure rocks as hell.

Note: Above holds true for any and all forms of exercise.

And yes... here I go again - I need to change.

Self-praising-Ego-boosting-PS: Awesome word play on "Given my take"!!

Frustu

2006-02-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

Most of the words here in IIT have a common tendency to describe a whole lot of emotions, or states of mind. I'll go into more words later, but for now this is the one. Frustu. Short for frustrated, but in essence a larger word. This is how I feel right now. Frustu. Frustu. Frustu... totally, fully, completely frustu.

I don't have anything against the world. Neither will I have, ever. I love life. I love the way I live. I love the way I waste time, rather, kill time. However, frustu is a state of mind I often get into. The frustu which I get when my fucming tkeyboard misbehaves... I wont press a single backspance now that I've decided t oput up with this keyboard..

Bad idea.

Now, back to frustu. I haven't managed to get my hands onto some mary jane since like ages. Not that I've been trying though. If someone will just give it to me. I have to get an internship. It is needed. Moreover, it is an oppurtunity for an all expenses paid 2 months trip to Europe. However, I haven't been trying. I have got to lose weight. I haven't been trying. I have to score good marks. I haven't been trying. I need to round off my personality. I haven't been trying. Heck, I need to blog more. I haven't been trying to do even that.

The whole point is that I don't try. I just do those things for which no "try" is required. I should atleast try to "try". Someone said "try and try until you succeed". Screw the english if it is quoted incorrectly. Someone also said, "when in life you don't succeed, fuck the world and smoke some weed". Here, I am sure of the language. If I won't try, I wont get to do weed. Not that I want to anyway..

The result of all this blogging/shouting/crapping/nonsensical-blabbering/introspecting means that I should try. This reminds me... I have to try and go to that book fair tomorrow. Let's see what I can dig up for myself.

I need to improve upon my life.

Chaos

2006-01-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

Chaos Moksha 2006. IIM-A's annual cultural festival. I was there. It was fun. Loads of fun. Loads of Chaos.

Chaos. "Moksha" was the theme this year. Moksha means salvation. Nirvana. Attainment of the highest level of consciousness. The feeling of being one with the world. Though I know I won't get that feeling in the "recent" future (if there is such a thing :P)... I definitely went close to moksha if I consider the experience of four days combined.

Chaos Moksha was about friends, daytime train journeys, beautiful songs on beautiful guitars, girls, diagonal dorms, old campus, new campus, the underpass, the night sessions at the underpass, girls, Strings, Jal, Amaan Ali and Ayaan Ali, gujju thali food, music competitions, graffiti, almost-won-at-the-dumb.c incident, nangu, patni, patni's stalker chick, vodka in faculty block, vodka hidden in bag, vodka shots in dorm, vodka at rooftops, screwdriver vodka, smoke after vodka, hindi jam, ditched english jam, jammaster, NID fash-p, girls, more girls, non-iitian girls, getting phone numbers, what it eez, free biscuits, free mcfills chips, free time, a free world!

So much to say, so much to experience. Will definitely go next year as well.

However, more than Chaos, I fell in love with IIMA second time over. IIMA, hold your arms wide open, because if you look hard enough, you can see me coming. You should be grateful for this you know, it is not often that I so long for something. Consider yourself honored.

Wish upon the stars

2006-01-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

Having lost my hard-earned bad mood today, I was wondering how it felt like to have a wishlist. That is, a DEFINED wishlist. Here I go, defining one of my first written wishes. If it is true that the written (or typed :P) word is more powerful than the spoken word, then I stand a better chance of this wish being fulfilled...

The world's hottest L

Sorry for the cranky title, and thanks for appreciating a saying that I just quoted above, about the written, typed and spoken words. In a state of a higher consciousness, it was I who said that...

Maxims

2006-01-16T12:55:00.000-08:00

Calvin said once, that he didn't like maxims that encouraged behaviour modification. Or something to that effect.

This is one of the reasons I love Calvin and Hobbes. The six year old's rants are like hot brownies dipped in chocolate sauce. The chocolate sauce goes deep down inside the brownie, and the brownie just melts in your mouth, more or less like instant karma. He just says it with utmost simplicity, and I take it in with grace. Hats off to you, Mr. Bill Watterson.

That's how life is supposed to be. Simple. Free. I want it to be the way it is supposed to be. It isn't. The reason: people. People I don't like. People I hate. People I detest. People I'd skin alive and bury if I had the heart to do so. The heart won't agree though. I would go up to those very people, telling them things, trying to somehow transform them into people I like, people I can atleast try to like. And then, I remember the Calvin-quote. If I didn't like behaviour modifications, I logically shouldn't be trying it on other people.

So then, let people be, I said. I said to myself, that I give a damn about who these people are and what they do. They don't exist in my universe. I decided not to go and tell things to people. My rants are way too valuable to waste on people who are mere cretins.

And the very day I decided to do the aforementioned, I found people breathing all over my neck and face, invading into my own little universe, trying to tell me what to do or what not. Trying to dictate my life to their terms. Trying to change me into a person that they can try to like. Trying to turn me into one of their kind. Trying to make a cretin out of me.

Irony hurts. I relucantly accepted my flaw, and rectified it, and the same day, I was being forced into unrectifying the issue. I wanted to tell things to those people. I wanted to tell them to go mind their own business. I wanted to tell them to live their own lives.

I wanted to tell them to just shut up.
I did not tell them anything.
Flaw rectified. I finally live.
My own life, my own game, with my own set of rules.

Frequency tending to zero

2006-01-06T02:47:00.000-08:00

So. Here goes. A nice topic in place, I start blogging again. Let us redo some of the old bullshit. An outlet for for my mind. A place for my head. Somewhere I can write and marvel at my skill at writing... well, maybe not that, but everything else. You know the works.

Now to the stuff. Not that there is any, but anyway... The new year is here. Had a blast on new year's eve. Did not go partying as most people would do, but had a nice time with friends in general. Made up some resolutions in my head, but did not call them resultions. Just things which I'd like to do. Then I thought, might as well call them resolutions and get another excuse for not doing the things I thought I should be doing. Well, resolutions are meant to be broken, innit?

Jokes kinda apart, I DO have a lot of stuff in my head right now, and I should be getting out there and doing it instead of wasting my time here in front of the moronic computer. At the back of my head, I do know that there is nothing more satisfying in keeping the promises you make to yourself. I've never experienced that satisfaction. Not that I don't want to. It's just that I've been satisfied with lesser satisfactions till now. Makes sense?

Phoenix

2005-04-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

I rise again, though not from the ashes. Rather, from a slumber; an online slumber which keeps happening once in a while.

Seeing some of my past posts might make you think that I would have been working hard here, but that is just a misconception. I probably can never work, leave alone hard.

Nothing much is new on my side except screwed academics, sleazy politics, and arbitrary schedules. I'll try to be regular with this blog now that my endsems are approaching. Ironic it seems, but what I need is an outlet for my stupid mind which keeps thinking in manners unknown.

Meanwhile, some of my mind's energy is being devoted towards creation. I made a logo for my hostel here at IITB... hostel 13. You can have a look at it here. Leave comments on this page. I think it is pretty neat, but people might differ. So let me know, and we can work towards something new.

Mood: Bored
Music: Magical World - Blackmore's Night

Another one bites the dust

2005-01-17T03:04:00.000-08:00

I emerged victorious. Again.

But then, coming just through the skin of my teeth, this one wasn't like the rest. It was one of toughest ever. I had stumbled where I least expected myself to. I had miserably lacked. In preparation. In foresight. Underestimation of the enemy had cost me heavily.

But then, the enemy was not really my enemy at all. The obstacles were not really obstacles. They were climbing stones in disguise. Steps of an eternal ladder of learning. I thought I could have jumped over this particular step. On to the next. Taking a faster route.

But then, success never has a shorter path leading to it. I fell miserably short. It was there though. The cushion to absorb my fall. I jumped at the oppurtunity to rectify my mistake. It has barely held to my fingertips. Now clasped perfectly inside my hand, I would make sure it never slips out again.

Never ever would I fail again. Mark my words.

Angels and Demons

2004-12-26T12:23:00.000-08:00

Haven't blogged in a LONG time. A lot has happened in between this time, and I'd rather not go into it.

The one mentionable thing that has happened is that I am a certified mamu now. My cousin sis gave birth to an angel of a girl on 21st Dec 2004 at 2:57 pm.

Not only are babies cute, but they are the purest human beings present. Not one bit of pretention, nor a flicker of disdain in their eyes. Her eyes. Exploring the new world she has been brought into. All ready to accept the life of human being with determination. Yes. I fet that her eyes looked determined. Upbeat. Confident.

And these are the things I am missing right now. And their loss is quite cyclic for me. I can't be really confident if I am not determined to go out and achieve that missing something in my life. And you can't be happy if you are not confident. Trouble has been eating me inside out. I have to raise my standards to a level of self acceptance. Something needs to be done.

This calls for the sacrifice of my present for the sake of my future.

The future, which would inevitably turn into present one day, ready with its head on the guillotine, waiting to be butchered ruthlessly by the great jaws of time, which spare no soul.

Warped

2004-11-21T23:56:00.000-08:00

When something goes wrong, I always feel that why did it had to. I put in so much efforts. So much of my time. Valuable time.

And then, after just a fickle of introspection, I realise that the efforts I was thinking about weren't really efforts at all. They were just mere figments of my imagination. While doing something, I would have been thinking that I am doing something constructive, while the truth is that I never do anything constructive at all...

This has to change. Immediately.

A Load Taken Off...

2004-11-19T07:50:00.000-08:00

It does feel good to have a nice long chat with an old friend. Especially when it relieves some of the tensions both the people have been facing.

Heartache. Discomfort. Pain. Outright agony.

To see all these and more disappear in a matter of minutes is elating. I don't think I have anymore to say. Just this: If you have been having problems with a friend, talk it out. Don't think what will happen if something goes wrong. Trust me. With friends, it never does. Never ever. Friendships always stand the test of time.

Mine did.

Examinations and Evaluations

2004-11-16T07:41:00.000-08:00

Everything that is there on Diwali is a message to me. A message that tells me that the fire in the heart should never go out. I have to keep it burning. Especially when I have exams right after the festival. Sad, isn't it...

The professors and teachers should know that we'd be learning stuff only as well as they teach. If they are stupid at passing on the knowledge, how are we supposed to grasp it better? I don't think that Ronaldo would be making much out of a haywire pass...

I never really understood the purpose of examinations. Or probably I have never thought about them... Probably I never would... In all probability, these exams will also pass by without affecting me in any adverse, or for that matter constructive way, as countless exams have already done so...

Not getting me? Don't try. I don't make much sense anyway. That is precisely what my examiners think. ;) .

Lights, Sound, Action!!!

2004-11-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

Long time since I have written anything here. Had been home for Diwali - the festival of lights.

It has never failed to light up my heart with the brightest lights that could be. The festive spirit, the shining lights, the lamps lit all over the place, and above all, the fireworks!!

Yes, fire works. It really works. It ignites me. Elevates my mood like a ball of hot gas. The balls of flame that appear for a nanosecond, giving out light, and a lot of sound. Instant Karma. In other words, crackers. :). The fire of the type that goes up into the sky and creates more fire up there. Making me stand up and lift my head. In pride or in awe, it doesn't matter. I just hold my head up high... Rockets, you see... Loads of other fire stuff. I love it ALL. I am a fire sign guy. Sagittarius.

I absolutely ROCK!! And I love going on ego trips...

Hunger

2004-11-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

The day today has been worthy of mire
And I have been living off nothing but the atmosph'i're
Grumble grumble growl growl
Hear all ye, I think my tummy is on fire!!!

Not Really A Dog's Life...

2004-11-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

I think I have been leading a dog's life. I won't be unhappy if I were talking in the literal sense of the term here, but metaphorically speaking, it is taxing. Why is it so that everything seems to be going against me? Like everyone is trying to take something away from me? Why is it so that each and every rule that is made seems to be against me? Aren't there any pro-people rules? Rules that people love to follow?

But somehow, somewhere, I do see a silver lining. That things aren't that bad as they seem. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I won't ever get stuck up in a queue. Maybe people will be happy for what I am, for what I do for them... In my own way... And maybe, she will say that she loves me... Well, that is a BIG maybe...

Meanwhile, talking of silver linings, do they always come with dark clouds? Couldn't they just be there for me WITHOUT the dark clouds, strewn all over like spent confetti after a big party which took place with the sky as its floor... Silver linings of all colours. I'd love the yellow ones... :)

Highs and Lows

2004-11-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

I am realising that one can get high and low at the same time.

She just called. We just chatted on things. What's up and what's not. She does like me a lot. But I just can't go running to her. Einstein probably lied. Space-Time can't be really curved. If it could have been, Love would have done it by now. There is no force more potent that Love, is there?

College does have a tendency to take the punch out of life at times. Sometimes it puts the punch back in so hard that it feels like you have been punched in the face. No. I am not joking. The fun in college comes at a price. A price that may get too high if you end up having too much fun. I probably AM having a tad bit too much fun. That is what is getting me low. This is college's way of giving me the kicks in my life and making them feel like kicks on my ass.

Bad.

Hello World

2004-10-31T02:52:00.000-08:00

No. I am not a software guy...
But I like the Hello World message. It fits in with me. Hello World. Say so much in just two words.

This blog is just what it actually is. Redundant? Yes. That's it. A redundancy of my mind. A mirror of my thoughts, my feelings, for you, for the world.

Right now, I am pretty happy, that something helps me pour out my thoughts. Undirected, uncensored, unbiased thoughts. In a way that people have access to them only if they want to. So if you have a problem with the way I think, you are not welcome here. Buzz off.

You are sure to come across events in my life here as well. Have a Physics test on Monday. I think I will study for that now. IITB has made me a nocturnal being. I don't mind that. I love the nights...